Friday, September 4, 2015

Part of the club

A few months after the girls were born, we joined our local Parents of Multiples club. We figured it would be a great way to connect with other twin parents to get advice, compare notes or just commiserate about how hard it can be sometimes. The group has "all club" events where everyone is invited and we are also divided into subgroups based on our kids ages. Our playgroup is the Peacocks. From what I could gather from members with older kids, these playgroups were a lifesaver and their kids were growing up together and they couldn't live without their twin mom/parent tribe. All the groups seemed to have weekly (at the least) play dates.

I was looking forward to getting to know the other parents. I am super shy and quite an introvert so meeting new people is really hard for me. But, I figured we already have this one huge thing in common and I was hopeful I would find someone I could connect with. At first, there was one couple in the group hosting play dates at their place about twice a month. We met in a conference room of the high rise building they lived in. This was fine as we all had infants at this point and didn't really need play space. I immediately felt out of place. There was so much talk of night nurses and nannies for the SAHM moms. There was talk of the woman the hosts paid to stay at their house for the weekend to sleep train their kids for them. Let me repeat. They paid someone to sleep train their kids.  I just....these weren't our people.

I remained optimistic, though. We'll find parent friends. We will.

But then, those gatherings stopped. I started a FB page for our group since it would be an easier way for us all to communicate. A couple people met up at parks early on. The few play dates that did happen were during the week because most of the moms don't work. Then it just all stopped. I would post something trying to get a play date organized for a weekend and get no response. I would ask a question about gear or some random baby related thing. Crickets. My poor girls were born into the lamest play group. We continued to go to some all group events but still lamented we didn't have anyone with kids our age to get together with or talk to about the day to day issues of having twins.

I recently decided to get more proactive. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and waiting for something to happen.  I contacted the one other mom, E,  who would try to get play dates organized. I told her I really wanted to get some activity going with the Peacocks and asked if she would help because I am sort of terrible and getting groups of people to do things. She said she had been hanging out with some other moms, some from our group and some from other play groups, but also got so discouraged by the Peacocks that she stopped posting and has been doing her own thing. So we have been texting and last weekend we met E and her girls at the Natural History Museum and went to the butterfly pavilion. Her girls were born a day before Paige and Riley. It was a fun day. The girls were sort of feeling each other out for most of the day, but by the end one of her girls was hugging Paige. It was really sweet. They are even going to come to the girls' birthday party in a couple weeks. (Oh, by the way, they are turning 2 (!) in 2 weeks. I can't even deal with that. I just can't.)

Hopefully, we'll continue to meet up with E and her girls and meet some of the other moms and twins she hangs out with. It's hard since I'm at work and they do a lot of stuff during the week. E added me to the FB page of the play group that is just behind us in age. They are a really active group! It's a whole different world and exactly what I thought we were getting into when we signed up. They talk about issues they are having with the kids. They actually meet up weekly. It's great. If  our group doesn't want to play, we'll find another group who does. We've also been talking to another couple who lives really close to us who's twins are a couple months younger. We are currently on completely different nap schedule so it may be awhile before we can hang out with them. They have 2 naps and we have 1 nap. Our 1 nap falls exactly in the time their kids are awake. So, a bit of a logistical problem there.

I don't know what will happen, but I hope this is the start of us actually being a part of the club. I'm so glad I took the chance and put myself out there. I need some mom friends. I need to stop feeling so isolated. For the first time in awhile, I am actually feeling a little bit optimistic about that happening.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Early Intervention

When the girls were born at 33 weeks, we knew to expect developmental delays. We knew they wouldn't hit all the big milestones right when they would be expected to. Overall, they did better than I thought they would. They hit milestones slower than other kids their same (actual) age, but they didn't have any severe delays. They were both walking by 13 months. My cousin's full term singleton didn't walk until he was 18 months. I wasn't worried.

Recently, we did start to worry about their language development. They do say words and know several signs, but it still seemed like they should be doing more. As they approach their 2nd birthday, I look at other 2 year olds and they seem so much more advanced than Paige and Riley. I know kids change fast at this age, but there just seems to be such a huge gap. At their 18 month appointment, the pediatrician said on average they should have about 20 words. We were nowhere near that. The doctor wasn't worried because of them being preemies, but she still wanted to check in with us in a couple months to see if there was any improvement. We decided not to wait and looked into getting them evaluated. California has something called the Reg.ional Center. It provides services for individuals with developmental disabilities, including providing early intervention for babies and toddlers.

Several weeks ago we went through 3 separate evaluations.  The first was a speech therapist who basically just came over for less than an hour and interacted with the girls and gave them different toys to play with all while taking notes on their behavior and communication. The 2nd person came over and asked SH and me a million questions about the girls but didn't specifically do anything to evaluate the girls. The last person was an Occupational Therapist. She did a standardized test to evaluate their overall development. It's all play based, but it's a weird thing to test such young kids. They obviously have no idea they are being tested so have no incentive to show all their abilities. While they were friendly and social to everyone who came over, they didn't say anything out of their admittedly limited vocabulary. The final testing was long and they got tired and restless by the end. It was close to lunch. So they didn't succeed at all the tasks even though they were things I knew they could do. I think you have to take the results of this kind of stuff with a grain of salt. I think they paint a good general picture, but might not be exactly accurate.

We finally got the results and recommendations a couple of days ago. In social/emotional development they score above their age (yay!). In cognitive development they test a couple months behind (not too terrible). However, in language they have a severe delay. Riley was put at a 9-12 month level in expressive language. Paige was at 12-15 months. They were 20 months old at the time of the test. Obviously, I know they are delayed which is why I asked for the evaluation, but it's much more severe than I thought. They did better at receptive language. They understand a whole lot more than they are able to communicate. They are recommending speech therapy twice a week and cognitive therapy once a week to help with their fine motor skills. That's a lot.

The complicated part of this is that SH, who has been the stay-at-home dad all this time, was set to go back to work in July. The girls were going to start daycare full time. But now, that might not happen. He may need to postpone going back to work for the next 6 months and manage all these appointments. They go to a very small, in-home daycare. Even though the speech therapist will go to wherever the kids are, I just don't think there is any space for something like this. Another option is getting a nanny. Then the girls would be at home and the therapists could go there. But, nannies for twins are expensive and the cost would eat up all of SH's take home pay. Then there isn't much point in him working, right?

The logistics of the appointments and working and daycare is worrying me more than the speech delay, to be honest. I know that Paige and Riley will be fine. I know there will come a day when they are asking millions of inane questions and I will wonder why I was in such a rush for them to talk. In the meantime, I have to figure out their suddenly very busy schedule.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Toddler Life

A post in pictures...

Who needs coffee? We like to start our day by banging ours heads on the wall.

 I am a hoarder. I need all of the pacis.
She seriously has a problem

We are much too busy to pose for a picture together.
Where are the donuts? I heard there were donuts at this party.

I like to wear mommy's shoes.

I also like to wear easter baskets as shoes.

And blocks...

And plastic cups...

I might be in trouble with this shoe thing

I don't know why you bother buying toys. I would much rather play in the box you store them in.

Mommy! We'll help clean up our toys.


Ready to go on a walk whenever you are.

and this is just for a walk around the block.

Birthday parties are fun!

I heart the swing.

These easter baskets make great hats!

Ok. We'll pose together just this once.


Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Be my friend

You guys? I have become a terrible blogger. I am constantly writing posts in my head (amazing posts, if I do say so myself), but they never make it to the blog (so you'll just have to trust me on how amazing they are). I had to dust away a few cobwebs just to start writing this.

I also seem to be consistently a week behind in reading blogs. I just can't keep up. I need an app that reads them to me on my commute. Does that exist? I should invent that.

But, I'm not ready to leave this space yet. Or any of you. I still want to keep in touch. I want to know how your stories end.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I don't know why, but I feel a little awkward asking this.

Will you be my FB friend? I know all about the happenings in your uterus - why aren't we FB friends?

I have already connected with some of you, but I want to connect with more.

I still want this blog to be anonymous so I'm not going to post my name. So, send me an email at if you want to be friends and I'll reveal my true identity. Oooh, that makes me sound like I'm some sort of superhero...

See? I'm a hero!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Daylight savings

So, tonight we change the clocks for Daylight Savings Time. 

If the internet is to be believed, this is the most catastrophic event ever for the parents of young children.

Personally, I think everyone is being a little over dramatic. Sure, it involves some crankiness and adjustment, but it's only for a few days. How is this any different from any other sleep disruption? Let's face it - even the best sleepers have bad nights (weeks?). If you have young kids, you are going to have some nights with little sleep.  You are going to have early mornings. It happens. I don't really get why the time change is such a big deal. 

Maybe I'm a little naive because I'm still new to all this, but so far it hasn't been a huge problem. Maybe I'm lucky and my kids adapt more quickly. I don't know.  Or maybe I'll change my tune by Monday and jump on the "I hate daylight savings" bandwagon.  Last time we "sprung forward" the girls were probably 6 months old, so they were still just getting on a sleep schedule. There was really nothing to disrupt. They did fine with the time change in the fall, but we also spent a few days gradually moving their bedtime to get them adjusted. We should have been doing that this week, but it's been a busy week. I was out at work events a couple nights this week and SH was left to do bedtime alone. So it wasn't the best week to make changes. I guess we'll just see what happens. We've traveled to different time zones and they have adjusted within a couple days. I expect this to be about the same.

I also think it's good for kids to learn to adapt to change. I don't really want to create a perfect, unchanging environment for my kids because that isn't going to help them live in the real world.  Yes, we have a routine and a schedule, but I want to be able to deviate from it when necessary without it being the end of the world.  It's the same reason we never bothered to be quiet while they were napping. I needed them to be able to sleep through anything. I don't live in a particularly quiet area. You know what? It worked. They have actually napped through our neighbor jackhammering tiles off his bathroom floor. So, I'll look at this time change and any consequences of it over the next few days as character building for the girls. How's that for positive spin?

On another note, why do we still do this? Does it still serve a purpose? I love it staying light later, but doesn't that happen with the seasons naturally anyway? Arizona doesn't take part and they seem to be doing just fine.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Old habits die hard

I am very much on the fence about whether or not I want a third baby. Or maybe I should say try for a third baby since this 40 year old infertile doesn't get to make decisions like that about her life. Actually, that's not true. I know I don't want to "try" for one. I don't want to do any more fertility treatments. No more IVF. 

I'm also not ready to close the door on the possibility of more kids. That's one of the reasons I haven't gone back on birth control. It can happen, right? I really could go either way. I am very happy with the two I have and only really imagined having two kids. I wouldn't be disappointed if I never got pregnant again. There are plenty of reasons I can think of to have one. There are also plenty I can think of not to have one. Most of those are practical and financial. I want to travel with my kids and that seems possible with two. It seems like chaos with three. However, SH would like another, so I am keeping the option open.  So, in the unlikely scenario of me getting pregnant naturally, I would welcome another baby. It's a win-win situation, really.

Even though I'm not trying to get pregnant, I am still very much aware of when I am ovulating. I spent so many years keep track of it, it just seems like a normal thing to do now. I'm not peeing on any sticks, but I know all the signs at this point. I'm not timing sex around ovulating, but I am very much aware of the times sex and ovulation coincide. This was one of those months. Other than the day it happened, I didn't think about that at all until this week when my period was late. Ever since my  period came back after pregnancy, my cycle has been super regular (another reason not to go back on BC - I'm doing fine without it). Mostly it's 28 days, occasionally 27 or 29. So when it didn't start on time, my mind started working on overdrive. I knew I wasn't pregnant. 99.5% of my being knew I wasn't pregnant, but there was that tiny "what if?" rolling around in my head. All those old 2WW feelings came back. I couldn't decide whether to take a pregnancy or just wait it out. I felt ridiculous even considering a pregnancy test. I feel ridiculous telling all of you I considered taking a pregnancy test.

I woke up this morning to yet another completely clean panty liner so decided to just take the damn test to quiet the little voice in my head. I have a bunch of leftover tests anyway. Might as well pee on them, right?  Spoiler alert: the test was negative. (I bet you thought this post was going to have a surprise twist, didn't you?) Frankly, I'm relieved. I never thought in a million years I would be relieved to see one line on a pregnancy test. Even if I do manage to have another, I'm not ready yet. I realize I don't have time or fertility on my side, but I'm not ready. I would have to move out of my 2 bedroom apartment. I would definitely have to buy a minivan. I am not prepared to do those things in the next 9 months.

The funny thing? I sat on the toilet while waiting for the test results. When my lack of pregnancy was confirmed, I wiped and lo and behold, there was my period.

I wonder if this will ever stop. I suppose living in this maybe/maybe not place isn't helping. I'm basically back in the "not trying not preventing" early days of our fertility journey. I suppose going on birth control or making the decision that we don't want anymore would help. I don't want to do that, though. I may not be ready for another baby right now, but I'm also not ready to close the door on the idea of one.

Friday, January 30, 2015

I think 2015 started without me

What happened to January? How is it February this weekend?

I was sick for the first 3 weeks of the year. The girls were sick with the flu and croup. It's been a rough start to the year, to say the least. But, now we are all better and ready to start 2015.  I feel like I am finally joining the land of the living again.

I am several weeks behind in blog reading and trying my best to catch up. While I do that, I leave you with a (blurry) picture of Riley and Paige helping you find your belly button. If you still can't find it, they will gladly point it out by sticking their finger in as far as they possibly can.