Monday, December 17, 2012

Dreaming of a white christmas

This year we are heading to Denver to spend christmas with SH's family. I am really, really hoping it snows because I really, really love a white christmas but based on recent weather reports it seems all I should expect is sun and cold. Like really cold. That's no fun. If I am forced to be in cold weather it better come with fluffy, white snow. I live in Los Angeles, I get enough sun thankyouverymuch.

While I am excited at the prospect of weather and a much needed change of scenery, I am not so excited about the fact that we are staying for 11 days. Eleven. Days. Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws. They are lovely people. But even in the best of circumstances, I do not like spending 11 days at someone else's house. I am shy and rather introverted so I need alone time to decompress after lots of socializing. I need my own space and can't really relax when I don't have it. My mother-in-law very much wants me to be comfortable and happy while I am staying with her but she ends up fussing over me. If I manage to steal away to watch tv or read by myself, she finds me and asks me if I need anything or brings me a plate of cookies or cheese and crackers and overall just doesn't understand that I am trying to be alone. Wow, that feels like a terrible thing to be complaining about. It's all very nice but somehow her efforts to make me feel more comfortable can end up having the opposite effect.


On top of that, right now my emotions are raw. SH pointed out I have moved on from a short fuse to no fuse. I snap at everything.  I cry at the most random things. It probably isn't helping that I am not really drinking right now in an attempt to have better eggs for this next IVF cycle so I can't just have a glass of wine to help me relax. I am a little worried of how I am going to be over these 11 days because I am the worst at hiding my emotions. I have a really hard time just smiling and pretending everything is ok. That is most definitely a skill I need to work on. I would probably be better at life if I could do that. 

As far as celebrating christmas this year? I think I am actually sort of neutral on the whole thing. At first, I was dreading the holidays and just wanted to crawl into a hole and come out in 2013. Then I managed to send some christmas cards and go to a couple of holiday parties.  I put up a few decorations, but didn't go so far as to get a tree. Yesterday, I went to the Gay Men's Chorus Holiday Spectacular and aside from the song about christmas being meant for children (way to rub it in, Gay Men's Chorus!), I had a lot of fun and enjoyed some christmas cheer with friends. Now I am feeling much less "Bah Humbug."  I am not exactly full of jingle bells and holly, but at least I won't need to be dragged kicking and screaming through the holidays. It also helps that SH has a pretty small family so christmas is a very low key event involving a delicious dinner and more cookies and fudge than anyone should ever eat. 

On that note, perhaps it's time for me to dig up some winter clothes and get packing.

6 comments:

  1. 11 days is a long time. I definitely like to have my alone time too. Hopefully you will get that white Christmas to make it all worthwhile.

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  2. I'm introverted as well and I find that a lot of people just don't understand the need to be alone and recharge after a lot of socializing. I often look at extroverts and wish I could be like them, but I get so mentally tired when I try to do it!! Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. Having to bottle things up definitely doesn't help...I often feel like I should do this too but I'm terrible at it and it ends up coming out at the worst time anyway. I'll drink double for you!

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    1. Seriously. The single-white-female thing has to stop. And I started drinking my first day here. I decided being more relaxed was more important than avoiding alcohol. Keep the wine flowing! As my RE told me when I asked if I could drink during IVF "Sure. If it will relax you. People in France get pregnant, don't they?"

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  3. I SO relate. I wouldn't say I'm shy, but I'm definitely an introvert. 11 days in someone else's house - gah! I would start hiding in the bathroom and then they'd think I was having some kind of medical emergency.

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    1. I have been doing a much better job this time of taking time for myself and not feeling obligated to always be with everyone. I am feeling much more sane.

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  4. My MIL is exactly the same! Every fifteen minutes, she'll ask if I want a cup of tea or a glass of water. Best to you for being there for 11 days, I think 5 is the maximum number of days to have guests or to be a guest. Can't believe the Gay Men's Chorus came up with a children's song. I'm in the porocess of writing a post on how a gay bar is the perfect outlet to forget about fertility for a while!

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