Monday, January 21, 2013

Consolation prize

Welcome ICLW!

Here is the reader's digest version of our story...

My husband, SH, and I have been married for almost 5 years and have been TTC for a little over 4 of those. After a couple years without success, we were diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve and MFI. We were told IVF would be our best shot. We skipped right past medicated cycles and IUI and went straight for the big guns. Last year we did 2 IVF cycles. Both were BFN. The 2nd failed cycle was especially devastating so we took a few months off to regroup and are now about 10 days or so away from IVF #3. And now you are all caught up.

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So, I have been thinking a lot lately about what we are going to do if this IVF cycle doesn't work. I know I need to be at least a little positive that it will work, but I also need to be prepared for if it doesn't. I need to make plans now while I am still calm and rational.

First, I decided we needed something to look forward to as sort of a consolation prize if it doesn't work. I want to plan it before we start so it's there for us if we need it (and we can cancel it if we don't). I mentioned this to SH and he said he had been thinking the same thing. He was thinking of Hawaii but after considering the cost thought that might not be the most practical idea. We decided to drive up to Napa and spend a few days wine tasting. We have always wanted to go and wine tasting is definitely something I couldn't do if I was pregnant. Plus, multiple glasses of wine will be a great place to drown my sorrows.






I think we are also in agreement that even if we don't end up switching RE's, we at least want to get another opinion before we take our next step. We really like Dr. N but it seems a little crazy to keep trying the same thing and hoping for a different result.  SH's family lives in Denver so we may go to CCRM (Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine) at least for testing and to see what their thoughts are. I am pretty sure my RE will really start pushing for donor eggs if this fails again and I am not sure I am ready for that.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with using donor eggs and it may be something we decide to do down the road. I am just not ready to give up on having a child that is a mix of both SH and me. Not yet. Not on the advice of only one person.

So that's the plan. The plan I hope we don't have to use.

20 comments:

  1. It's always good to have a back up plan. I can recommend some great wineries in Napa, but hope it's a trip you don't take!

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    1. We want to go to Chateau Montelena for sure. I would love recommendations for other wineries.

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  2. I am not a big wine drinker, but my absolute favourite part of our trip to Auz two years ago was a day wine tasting in the hunter valley. It was just so much fun, so decadent, so different and really romantic. Having said all of that, I hope you don't get to do it any time soon!!!

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    1. I live about 2 hours from some of California wine country so we never go as far as Napa for wine tasting but have always wanted to. However, it will always be there and I would be happy to visit in a couple of years.

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  3. Your idea sounds fabulous. I usually do the same thing..we have something planned as it really helps to look forward to stuff. I am a huge fan of CCRM, just wish we could afford it. our local RE is so cheap and at this point it would take 2 years to save up enoug hcash for denver. I did have a consult with them before starting IVF. In my opinion only I think it is worth going there the phone consult, although free, gave us no information and was more of a sale pitch. they have also reduced what you need to do for the one day workup which is nice as well. I digress...sorry my real hope is that you will need none of this info and you will be pregnant very soon. stay positive!

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    1. I don't know if we can afford it, either. I think I would like to at least go for the testing and make a decision from there. Really hoping it doesn't come to that.

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  4. Hi! Stopping by from ICLW. We were diagnosed with DOR and MFI too, and unfortunately our IVF was such a major fail we had to quickly move to our backup plan, which ended up being embryo adoption. After the failed IVF, we went on a trip to the Dominican Republic and it was good to just get away from real life and decompress so I'm a big believer in it! I hope you find success and peace in wherever your journey takes you. :)

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  5. You've reminded me of great advice I received from a fellow IFer. She had long since resolved her infertility but she told me to plan something nice for myself after a treatment. She said if the treatment works then it would be a celebration. If it didn't it could be something to look forward to.

    BTW, the person who told me this was the person who donated her 6 embryos to us. She's a wonderful lady.

    I'm with CCRM. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to message me.

    ICLW

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    1. Thanks. I will definitely be asking you some questions if it comes to that. I am not sure why it took me until my 3rd IVF to realize I should do something like this.

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  6. I know how you feel. I hope this cycle works and you don't need to take the trip to Napa. But I totally agree with the back up plan and having something fn in mind! We are going to Korea this summer. If I get pregnant, it may or may not work out. But if I dont, it will be an awesome once in a lifetime getaway!

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    1. I would love to take a bigger, once in a lifetime trip. That sounds awesome. Unfortunately, if this fails we have to save up for the next step. Maybe if it works we'll plan a trip I could take while pregnant to celebrate.

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  7. Happy ICLW! We just went wine tasting after failed HMG treatments. Now, we are ready to move forward. I hope that you get to take a trip to Napa AFTER a baby... I hope it works for you!!!

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    1. Looks like wine tasting is the way to go. Thanks for stopping by.

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  8. Oh, consolation prizes... I feel like they're such a good idea, and yet it's hard, because they're always tempered with an "I wish we had a baby instead" kind of feeling. It's like when my mom brings me orchids after every BFN. I like orchids, but I sort of hope to never see another one until I'm finished with childbearing. That being said, anything involving wine is definitely on the right track!! Napa sounds amazing, and you'll deserve that treat after IVF for sure. I've also heard really good things about Colorado and infertility clinics... sorry, that's totally vague, but I feel like they're kind of well known for success in this field.

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    1. I totally get that. SH and I just had this conversation because he told me he is really excited about taking this trip but then quickly realized what it means if we do. I'll be drowning my sorrows in wine anyway, so I might a well do it in a beautiful and romantic setting. Isn't that what the fertiles say we need to do?

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  9. A trip to Napa sounds absolutely amazing... and I hope with all of my being that you won't be going on it! Happy ICLW!

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  10. As a girl who needs a back-up plan, I totally appreciate this. It sounds like a fabulous trip, but I hope it's an idea you get to keep in your pocket for a while. Like, until your first weekend without the baby!

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  11. Happy ICLW to you too!
    I've never been a big wine drinker, but I've heard there are some good wine valleys in Oregon that I wanted to check out.

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  12. I love the idea of going to Napa! I went with a few a my college girlfriends and it was only for the day but I definitely want to go back with my husband!! Here's hoping that you don't need the trip though.... :-)

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