I am not going to dwell here on the things that happened last year. Instead I am going to keep looking forward. Strangely, I am starting to feel a little hopeful for a new year and a fresh start. I don't usually make resolutions, mostly because I never keep them, but this year I think I will make a few:
- I am going to make an effort to have a better attitude. Given my generally pessimistic attitude this one is going to be a challenge. When something is going wrong in my life it tends to cloud my perception of every other aspect of my life. Despite my infertility, there are still some good things in my life and I want to do a better job of remembering and appreciating the good things.
- I am going to take more control of my life. I have felt recently like my life is at a complete standstill. I watch other people moving on with their lives and not just because they are having babies. They are buying houses, moving up in their careers and just generally living their lives. I have been letting life happen to me and feeling sorry for myself when it doesn't go my way. I can't control infertility but I can control other parts of my life and it's about time I started to do that. I need to stop pining for the life I thought I would have and start living the one I actually do.
- Find a new job. This one could be lumped in with taking control of my life, but it's something I really need to do so I feel it needs it's own resolution. I work freelance and have been in my "career" for more than 10 years. Lately it's getting harder and harder to find work and the time between jobs gets longer and longer. Once I do get that now elusive job, it inevitably means I will have to work in another city for several months. It's time to get a more stable, permanent job so I can be at home. I have been thinking about it for a while but the thought of starting over terrifies me so I keep putting it off. I'm not sure where to start or what I want to do, but it's time to get serious about it. Hopefully, putting this idea out into the world will finally force me to do it.
- Exercise more consistently. Ok, this one is really cliche. But, I feel so much better when I do it. I started doing a boot camp workout earlier this year and loved it. I felt great and actually looked forward to going in the mornings. I really only stopped because I felt like it was too expensive and I should be saving that money for IVF. SH keeps telling me the money is worth it and to stop worrying about it. Exercise helps my mood and if I'm in a better mood than maybe I can accomplish the first 3 items on this list.
Happy New Year!