Monday, May 13, 2013

Just stuff

I keep thinking of things to post about, and even start writing it in my head, and then I just don't ever get around to typing it. I'm not sure why. I don't want to abandon my blog, but I also am not quite sure what to write about these days. I am still following along and reading all of your blogs and commenting when I can (for some reason I can't comment on blogger from my laptop since SH changed my internet security settings. I can only do it from my work computer). SH is adorable. He keeps checking with me to make sure I haven't abandoned my blog community. He could see how much having this blog and getting support from all of you amazing ladies helped me and he wants to make sure I am continuing to do the same for all of you. It's really very sweet.

So what's been gong on?

  • I have been back at work for about a month now. I haven't really talked about what I do. Basically, I work freelance on film productions. I'll leave it as general as that. It sounds much more glamorous if I don't tell you exactly what I do on said film production. I didn't work for about a year because of the current state of film production. Practically nothing shoots here in LA. It did when I started this, but over the last several years I have had to spend more and more time working on location which means I am away from home usually for 3-6 months at a time. I have worked in New Orleans, Berlin, Hawaii, Virginia, Kentucky, Chicago and North Carolina over the last few years. I am sure I am forgetting some location. Needless to say, this lifestyle isn't very conducive to baby making so I decided if I couldn't work at home, I just wouldn't work for awhile while we gave IVF a shot. SH works freelance, as well, so we both had to basically just take the year off. It ended up being worth it. We have used up our savings and now have a little lot more debt than we would like, but we can fix that. Because we want to try and stay together during my pregnancy, we decided that whoever got offered a job first would take it and we would both travel wherever we needed to go and I'll find a local OB. I drew the short straw on that one and in a couple of weeks we are headed to Detroit. Well, the greater Detroit area. Not exactly high on my list of places I want to spend 3 months (sorry if any of you live there or are from there) but work is work and now I won't lose my health insurance before I have these babies. My OB ok'd me to travel as long as I come home by about 28 weeks so that is what I am doing. Now we just have to figure out what to do with our pets while we are gone. 

  • On Saturday, I met, live and in person, Jenny aka Stupid Stork and Kharini of My Fertility Blog and we ate the most decadent red velvet pancake at a cafe full of cute young waiters and it was heaven. Just one pancake was needed because this pancake was bigger than my head. Thankfully, we were smart enough to order some protein to go with that or I would have been in a sugar coma for the rest of the afternoon. I really enjoyed meeting these two amazing, funny, and just really lovely ladies. It is so nice to sit and talk to people who get it and know what it's like. It's also fun to attach a face and real live person to a blog. Especially a blog that can be as personal as an IF blog.  My only concern is their insistence that, due to the size of my belly, I have a 3rd baby that they believe must be hiding behind a kidney or something and has so far not been noticed by my doctors.  I veto that idea. Veto.

  • Mother's Day. I haven't really celebrated Mother's Day in years because my mom doesn't live in the same city as me. I send a card and a gift and I call her, but there is no brunch or full day of activity celebrating mom. Because of that, I have managed to avoid feeling completely depressed every May because I pretty much just ignore that the day is happening. This year felt a little weird. I don't feel like I am yet entitled to really get a Mother's Day celebration and certainly didn't expect or want one, but I was more aware of it and aware of how different next year should will be. We ended up spending the day with my aunt and uncle who were never able to have children. She would have been such a great mother and instead became the aunt who spoils all of her nieces and nephews. She is throwing me a baby shower and it may be the shower to end all showers. Just our two families is already about 30 people and she told us we could invite as many friends as we want. It can be as big as we want. I could probably hand her a guest list of 100 people and she would say ok. (Sidenote: I do not have 100 people to invite nor do I want to invite 100 people to a baby shower). She brought us two baskets full of baby gifts and two really large boxes of newborn diapers. Plus, the card with the gift had a check in it that had an extra zero I was not expecting.  I am her first niece (she was only 12 when I was born) so I have a special place in her heart and she can't wait to spoil these babies. She also knew about our IVF as we were going through it so she was especially excited for us when it finally worked. My uncle even told me he was always happy when one of my cousins got pregnant but he is way more excited for us than he ever was for them. They know what it's like and they didn't get their happy ending and it breaks my heart. 

Well, I think that's all I can cover for now. I should probably get back to doing some work I am being paid for. At least I look busy with all this typing. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

13 weeks

*Fair warning: I put a belly shot at the end of this post. I wasn't planning on doing it, but frankly I am a little surprised at how big the belly is already*

I hit 13 weeks over the weekend. I guess that means I am in the 2nd trimester? I am going with yes even though one iphone app tells me it's the last week of the first trimester and the other tells me it's the beginning of the 2nd. I am not sure why there is such confusion around this. It's amazing to hit this milestone. I kept waiting for something to go wrong during those first weeks. I think I am finally relaxing and realizing that this this is actually happening.

BABIES: Both are growing, though one is a few days ahead and one is a few days behind so they are about a week apart from each other. My OB says it's not a huge difference and as long as they both continue to grow at the rates they are, it shouldn't be a problem. We also got the results of the Maternit21 test. No chromosomal abnormalities! yeah! Also, no Y chromosome. It looks like we are having 2 girls. A part of me doesn't really want to get too attached to that idea and I have been reluctant to tell people. I feel like I need an ultrasound confirmation before I fully embrace that.

SYMPTOMS: The nausea is gradually going away. I still have it everyday, but it isn't constant anymore. I actually wake up feeling pretty good and start to go downhill after lunch. By dinner, I am feeling awful again. But, I have been able to eat a wider variety of foods. I have had some steak and salad this week. My first meat and vegetables in about 8 weeks. They tasted good, but somehow my brain still thinks it should be avoiding them. I think I have to teach my brain to crave my favorite foods again! I am really exhausted, but not sleeping well. It's not discomfort, I haven't hit that point yet. I just wake up a lot during the night and can't always go back to sleep. I am, also, always awake before my alarm goes off. I also seem to have a mild headache pretty constantly. I think that may actually be a side effect of the anti-nausea meds I am still taking. I am hoping this is the last week I need to take them. Other than that, I am feeling ok. Very slowly feeling like I am getting some pep back.

BELLY: It's growing! (but my boobs are not -at least not in any significant way) And I am definitely feeling my skin stretch on some days. I think I will have to start the cocoa butter twice a day instead of just once. I have been in maternity pants for a few weeks now. I can still wear some of my bigger, flowier shirts and empire waist dresses, but not even the rubber band around the buttons can help me into my jeans. I have gotten some maternity clothes from my sister-in-law and a couple of cousins but I will still need more. I have to give back a lot of the clothes so I am still trying to figure out a system of how to keep track of who gave me what. I also have to confess that I used to roll my eyes at pregnant women who complained about getting fat. Even before I was TTC. I thought it was ridiculous because of course it wasn't fat, it's a baby. Now I sort of get it. It isn't that I am worried about being fat, though I am sure that will come as I get huge, it is just really disconcerting to have your body grow and be taken over. It's great because it's a visual reminder of what's happening, but also weird. I have to say, I really find it weird to be pregnant.

SPREADING THE NEWS: At this point we have pretty much told all the people we feel we need to tell personally. The last group we had to tell was my extended family and we were able to do that last week at my grandfather's funeral. Everyone is so excited for us. Aside from one aunt and uncle (who were never able to have kids and always wanted them) we hadn't told anyone about our fertility struggles. That doesn't mean they weren't aware there were problems. Everyone knew we wanted kids and could see how much time was passing. They were just all considerate enough to not press us on the issue and ask us a bunch of questions or offer useless advice. I had a couple aunts tell me they are always excited when someone has a baby but they were more excited for us than anyone else. It's nice to know I had all these people rooting for me all this time. Now we need to do some sort of FB or email announcement for everyone else. I go back and forth on doing a whole FB thing, but I will probably do it. I just don't know what to say. I would like to somehow acknowledge our infertility (I am much more open about it now, especially when anyone asks if twins run in my family) I just don't know how to say it.

MY NEW IDENTITY: I feel like I have a new identity as pregnant woman and everything else about me has ceased to exist. It's all anyone talks to me about and, to be honest, I don't want to talk about it all the time. I never bring it up yet I seem to always be talking about it. Infertility (and my natural inclination to not talk about myself) have really made me cautious. It's like I still don't want to get too excited about it. Plus, I am also hyper-aware that other people may not want to hear (or overhear)  about it for various reasons. I think this is just something I am going to have to get used to. SH has also warned me about the extra novelty of having twins and whether it's my belly or the babies I am going to be fascinating to some people. I think I have mentioned that SH is an identical twin so he is well aware of what we are in for in that department.

PURCHASES: I have just started to feel comfortable enough to start buying baby things. I surprised SH with some Denver Bron.cos onesies and bibs as our first official baby items. He is a huge fan so he loved it. He was a little disappointed at first we aren't having a boy, so I wanted to reassure him that girls can be football fans, too. Then we went to a 2nd hand store for just baby stuff that my cousin told me about and found 2 matching baby bjorns. One looks practically new, the other has a little fading but still in really great condition. It only cost me $58 for both. Yeah, my first baby deal! We are going to keep checking that store because they are constantly getting new stock and I definitely need to find some nice used baby gear. I figure it's good for my wallet and good for the environment, right?

I think that covers everything. I actually started working again a few weeks ago and have been meaning to write a post about that, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll do that soon to catch you all up (I know you will be at the edge of your seats until then) In the meantime, here is the belly shot:

This was taken about a week ago at 12w5d
I guess I started out fairly small so maybe they have nowhere to go but out?