Yesterday I threw myself a little pity party because some things in my life haven't exactly gone as planned. I've been feeling sorry for myself because of the challenges I've had to deal with. I was pissed at the world for being so unfair.
This morning I got the news on FB that a former co-worker unexpectedly passed away yesterday. She was only 42 years old. In reality, I guess it wasn't completely unexpected - she was a diabetic since childhood and had been dealing with congestive heart failure for the last few years. Despite these medical issues, her passing still caught everyone by surprise. She seemed to be doing fine. I worked with her on a movie about 8 years ago. I have kept in touch with her only through FB. We would chat online occasionally, but we didn't hang out socially. I actually just saw her for the first time in 8 years a few months ago when I brought
her in to interview for a job on the current movie I'm working on. She was one of those people that puts everything on FB. It was like a running tally of her thoughts and daily activities. She posted so many times a day I considered blocking her at one point. Then I realized how positive her posts always were so I decided to keep them. She did not have an easy life with her health problems, especially since she didn't have health insurance. She was always broke because she hadn't found her success in the movie industry yet. But, she was always so positive and giving. She was so optimistic about the future. She was always so thankful for her friends and the people in her life. She even recently started a group on FB dedicated to posting only good news. She was so tired of politics and bad news, she just wanted to make a happy space for people. She was always letting people know if they felt alone or needed to talk that she was there for them. I admired her positive take on life. I envied it.
Despite really only knowing her through her FB posts, I cried when I read the news. Reading all the things her friends and family are posting on her wall really puts things into perspective. She seemed to have such a positive influence on people's lives - even people she only knew online and never met in person. She didn't sit around and feel sorry for herself. She just lived her life the way she wanted to.
I've been in a little bit of shock all day. She was my age. Just shows how life can change in an instant. It's terrifying. It seems silly to keep dwelling on the past and the things I can't change. I know I can't magically change the way my mind works because I really am a natural born pessimist, but it makes me want to try harder to really appreciate the things I do have and stop worrying about the things I don't.