Friday, September 4, 2015

Part of the club

A few months after the girls were born, we joined our local Parents of Multiples club. We figured it would be a great way to connect with other twin parents to get advice, compare notes or just commiserate about how hard it can be sometimes. The group has "all club" events where everyone is invited and we are also divided into subgroups based on our kids ages. Our playgroup is the Peacocks. From what I could gather from members with older kids, these playgroups were a lifesaver and their kids were growing up together and they couldn't live without their twin mom/parent tribe. All the groups seemed to have weekly (at the least) play dates.

I was looking forward to getting to know the other parents. I am super shy and quite an introvert so meeting new people is really hard for me. But, I figured we already have this one huge thing in common and I was hopeful I would find someone I could connect with. At first, there was one couple in the group hosting play dates at their place about twice a month. We met in a conference room of the high rise building they lived in. This was fine as we all had infants at this point and didn't really need play space. I immediately felt out of place. There was so much talk of night nurses and nannies for the SAHM moms. There was talk of the woman the hosts paid to stay at their house for the weekend to sleep train their kids for them. Let me repeat. They paid someone to sleep train their kids.  I just....these weren't our people.

I remained optimistic, though. We'll find parent friends. We will.

But then, those gatherings stopped. I started a FB page for our group since it would be an easier way for us all to communicate. A couple people met up at parks early on. The few play dates that did happen were during the week because most of the moms don't work. Then it just all stopped. I would post something trying to get a play date organized for a weekend and get no response. I would ask a question about gear or some random baby related thing. Crickets. My poor girls were born into the lamest play group. We continued to go to some all group events but still lamented we didn't have anyone with kids our age to get together with or talk to about the day to day issues of having twins.

I recently decided to get more proactive. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and waiting for something to happen.  I contacted the one other mom, E,  who would try to get play dates organized. I told her I really wanted to get some activity going with the Peacocks and asked if she would help because I am sort of terrible and getting groups of people to do things. She said she had been hanging out with some other moms, some from our group and some from other play groups, but also got so discouraged by the Peacocks that she stopped posting and has been doing her own thing. So we have been texting and last weekend we met E and her girls at the Natural History Museum and went to the butterfly pavilion. Her girls were born a day before Paige and Riley. It was a fun day. The girls were sort of feeling each other out for most of the day, but by the end one of her girls was hugging Paige. It was really sweet. They are even going to come to the girls' birthday party in a couple weeks. (Oh, by the way, they are turning 2 (!) in 2 weeks. I can't even deal with that. I just can't.)

Hopefully, we'll continue to meet up with E and her girls and meet some of the other moms and twins she hangs out with. It's hard since I'm at work and they do a lot of stuff during the week. E added me to the FB page of the play group that is just behind us in age. They are a really active group! It's a whole different world and exactly what I thought we were getting into when we signed up. They talk about issues they are having with the kids. They actually meet up weekly. It's great. If  our group doesn't want to play, we'll find another group who does. We've also been talking to another couple who lives really close to us who's twins are a couple months younger. We are currently on completely different nap schedule so it may be awhile before we can hang out with them. They have 2 naps and we have 1 nap. Our 1 nap falls exactly in the time their kids are awake. So, a bit of a logistical problem there.

I don't know what will happen, but I hope this is the start of us actually being a part of the club. I'm so glad I took the chance and put myself out there. I need some mom friends. I need to stop feeling so isolated. For the first time in awhile, I am actually feeling a little bit optimistic about that happening.

6 comments:

  1. That's so fantastic that you found a group!!!! How lame that the Peacock group fell through. it makes such a world of difference to have other moms/kids to hang out with. We are fortunate that we have found another set of twins to hang out with here in our new twin. They are 4 months older than Ayden and Rylee, but they all get along for the most part. They do squabble sometimes. I'd love to find a multiples group around here so we could meet more people, but I haven't found one yet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're the second person to blog about these feelings of loneliness and make me feel less alone! I'm also struggling to make mommy friends - there is a very active MOMS Club in my area, but when I inquired about it originally the president (who happens to be my husband's cousin's wife, of all people), was basically like, "Yeahhhh, it's meant for sahms or part-time working moms, and most of the activities are during the day anyway...weeknights & weekends are meant for spending time with OUR FAMILIES (insinuating I don't want to spend time with my family??!!!)" So then I felt stupid and awkward about it. My SIL (who works part time and is active in the group) was so mad about that response, and started a whole big thing to get me to join, and the president then came back and says she "never claimed I couldn't join..." Ugh, whatever. I could write a whole post about this drama but I can't really because she reads my blog, haha. But now I don't want to join just based on principle (despite the fact that the moms seem cool and they do have activities on nights and weekends sometimes, I always see their posts on Facebook).

    Those Peacocks sound like real duds, and no, not relateable at all. I hope that your new group works out! Mommy friends are invaluable, I'm coming to learn.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I started going to a New Parents Group that meets once a week, with the hope of making some mom friends, but I would meet a cool mom, but it a week or two she'd be back at work. There definately seems to be a division between SAHMs and Working Moms. You've inspired me to be a bit more proactive and I'll arrange to facebook friend some moms who have babies the same age as mine, so we can keep in touch and compare notes as needed.
    Hiring a nurse to sleep train your kids? ...Well Mrytle hired a night nurse to come over three nights a week, so Myrtle could sleep (this was before she went back to work) and little Myrtle always slept through the nights when the nurse was there...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Being a WM is so isolating sometimes! I felt it for a while on my block at there are a bunch of SAHM so they seemed so tight because they always saw each other! The other WMs on my block all have older kids so their kids weren't really interested in playing with Izzy. I'm glad that you have seemed to have found a group to hang out with. One of my neighbors started a Bunco group and hanging out monthly with ladies from my neighborhood who all have kids has been awesome (especially because we drink and hang out while the husbands watch the kids at home). :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. i like this post, we visit again for more updates , thanks for sharing this article.
    cheap artificial grass

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ankara'nin en iyi kurye sirketi olan
    kurye ankara hizmette
    sinir tanimiyor...

    ReplyDelete